What do I do all day?

A field guide to my current experiments

Photo by Surja Sen Das Raj via Pexels

If you've asked me "So, what are you up to these days?" in the past 3 years, you've probably received a cryptic or rambling response. This post is my attempt to catalog the many experiments I'm running in my life right now—partly so I can point people to it instead of trying to explain. Partly so I can remember myself.

Here's the backstory in as short a form as I can muster: Five years ago I left NYC with my husband and one-year-old son, thinking we'd find a more sustainable lifestyle and/or survive the pandemic. What followed was a series of plot twists including family drama, career pivots, cross-country moves, and the shocking discovery that I wasn't actually meant to live like a neurotypical productivity machine.

After burning out (not from overwork but forcing my gloriously square peg into absurdly round holes for far too long), I've spent the last couple years running various experiments to discover how I might live and work better. A hopeful realist, my hope has not been to live my "best" life, per se, nor even really to "thrive" or "flourish."

My aim has been something like learning to survive with more grace and less shame. To wake up feeling like a person who belongs in their skin, in their world, who is capable of taking on the challenges of every day—someone who is known and loved in the midst of those challenges, even the ones that are insurmountable.

Without further ado, here's what I'm actually doing with my life right now, organized by category and presented in a handy experiment format. Results pending. Timeline uncertain. Enjoyment guaranteed*.

*Guarantee void where prohibited by neurology or circumstance

Work & Creativity Experiments

Experiment: Lean Solopreneur

Hypothesis: I can create sustainable income without sacrificing my soul by working with my natural thinking patterns rather than against them.

Design: Testing collaborative AI frameworks and "Sandbox Sessions" with people I already know and trust. Working part-time at a forest school where children are human beings, not productivity units. Focusing on deepening existing relationships rather than constantly seeking new ones.

Current Findings: Systems don't have to be rigid to be effective. My brain works better with a thinking partner, especially one I already trust. Hugging trees really does feel good (especially the mossy ones).

Experiment: Playing in Public (Substack)

Hypothesis: My chaotic thought patterns might actually make sense if I stop hiding them and instead share them in their natural habitat.

Design: Transcribing voice notes, organizing patterns, writing about what emerges without forcing it into conventional formats.

Current Findings: The very things I've been taught to hide about how I think might actually be valuable to others—but only if I stop worrying about being valuable to others and, ironically, focus on making sense to myself.

Experiment: Fictional Memoir

Hypothesis: I can process my family relationships through writing without getting stuck in analysis paralysis or oversimplified narratives.

Design: Writing scenes that explore real dynamics through fictional characters, allowing emotional truth to emerge without being constrained by literal events.

Current Findings: Complex and even traumatic experiences can be healing and even fun to think about if you give yourself permission to play around with them.

Home & Family Experiments

Experiment: Parenting Without A Manual

Hypothesis: If I apply what I'm learning about both my needs and core human psychological needs to parenting, we'll all be more empowered and less stressed than me trying endlessly to attune to my son or sacrifice for him.

Design: Inviting my son to join in on chores as a form of belonging and competence, providing lots of autonomy without giving him control of things like our schedule or food choices, finding simple ways to meet everyone's different sensory needs.

Current Findings: It’s hard not to project your wounds or fears on your children. Chronic stress is a signal that something needs to change. Where your family lives and who you spend your time with matters at least as much as your personal relationship with your kid.

Experiment: Logistics That Doesn't Make Me Want to Scream

Hypothesis: There might be systems for maintaining a home and finances that don't require me to become a person I'm not—it's possible to handle practical life stuff with just enough structure to be effective without triggering shame.

Design: Testing ridiculously simple tools (hello, sticky note kanban), giving myself permission to ignore conventional wisdom about how adults "should" organize their lives, and embracing intuitive decision-making about what gets done when, with a lot of body doubling.

Current Findings: Physical visual systems > digital organization tools. Changing “to do” lists to “can do” lists significantly lowers my resistance. Spreadsheets can sometimes be fun. Pacing is key.

Relationship Experiments

Experiment: Friendship Without Masks

Hypothesis: I might have better relationships if I stop pretending to be someone I'm not.

Design: Gradually revealing my authentic self to old friends while seeking new connections where I can be weird from the start.

Current Findings: Unmasking is terrifying but liberating. Some people disappear, but I form stronger connections with others. Ironically, people seem less confused by my authentic self than by my attempts to appear "normal."

Experiment: Marriage as Ongoing Conversation

Hypothesis: Our relationship might strengthen through explicitly exploring our patterns and needs rather than just letting issues arise in moments of stress.

Design: Recording and analyzing 40 voice notes from conversations with my husband, identifying patterns and creating new language for old dynamics. Living with less thinking and more playing, and asking for a lot more space even though I wish I didn't need it.

Current Findings: We're both weirder than we appear, though in different ways. Our strengths include intellectual connection and commitment to growth.

Personal Development Experiments

Experiment: Body-Led Self-Care

Hypothesis: My body might know what I need better than my mind, which thinks it can think its way out of everything.

Design: Regular check-ins with physical sensations, movement based on current needs rather than rigid schedules, and permission to rest without justification.

Current Findings: The body keeps the score and also gives pretty clear instructions if you actually listen. Also, some days are just low-energy “potato” days and that's fine.

Experiment: Energy Management for the Chronically Overstimulated

Hypothesis: I might accomplish more by doing less and honoring my natural energy patterns.

Design: Tracking what activities energize versus drain me, building flexibility into schedules, and abandoning the myth that consistency means doing the same thing every day.

Current Findings: High energy at the intersection of interests. Creative work requires a unique mix of structure and freedom. Physical containers help contain mental chaos.

How it all connects

These experiments aren't separate projects so much as overlapping inquiries into a central question: How might I live in a way that honors who I actually am rather than who I was told I should be?

I've spent most of my life trying to adapt myself to narratives/cultures/systems that weren't designed for brains/bodies/souls like mine. These experiments are my attempt to flip the script—to design a life around how I’m built rather than endlessly optimizing myself to fit pre-existing boxes.

Some days this feels revolutionary. Other days it feels like basic survival. Most days it's somewhere in between.

An invitation

One thing that makes this journey meaningful is knowing I'm not the only one out here learning and hoping and growing. It takes courage to question established patterns and create new ones. Each of us, in our own ways, is testing hypotheses about how we might live. (Or life is doing the testing for us!)

What are you testing right now? I'd love to hear about your own experiments. There's something magical about comparing notes with fellow explorers.